The Big Question

Not responsible for what happens to you if you fail to answer correctly

21st February 2011

. . .one does not set out to destroy evil, for the very thought of doing so engenders cognition and action which immediately disempowers the defendant. . . . Victory over the worst evil or tyranny (especially that of a spiritual kind) occurs when the defendant is so inherently strong that the challenger, for all his guile and might, cannot operate or insinuate. When your enemy cannot conquer you, you have won. This is the meta-lesson that under-girds the karmic tests besetting the human inhabitants of planet Earth. — Michael Tsarion


John Good evening ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls and other assorted and contorted genders. Welcome to tonight’s episode of The Big Question, in which our contestants pit their lifelong knowledge of how the world really works against their ability to stay alive in an environment cleverly configured to kill them at the merest hint of one incorrect answer. However great the risk might be, our courageous contestants, if their answers are right, get to live the life of their dreams with an authentic chance to acquire everything they ever wanted.

Let’s meet our contestants, shall we? First, there’s Rick, a computer programmer from Cheesequake, New Jersey; second is Conchita, an herbal healer from Truth or Consequences, New Mexico, and lastly, welcome please Reverend Tom, manager of an evangelical amusement park in Antlers, Oklahoma.

Our game is played as follows. We will have three rounds of questions to each of our three contestants.

First question: we’ll start with Rick. Rick, here is your question.

What famous American family possesses the only personal connection to two notorious families whose misdeeds are known throughout the world? The two notorious families are the Bin Laden family, who spawned the arch terrorist Osama bin Laden, blamed for blowing up buildings in New York, and the Hinckley family, who gave us John Hinckley, would be assassin of former U.S. President Ronald Reagan.

In fact, these notorious families were so close they were together during significant personal tragedies for each of these two families. The bin Laden family lost one of their 13 sons in an accident at the home of the family we’re trying to name, and the father of John Hinckley was actually having dinner with a member of the mystery family the same evening his son’s assassination attempt in Washington failed.

Now it’s time to answer the question. Rick, what answer did you write? “The Bush family.” Conchita? “Bush.” Rev. Tom? “Um, I think it all got started under the Clintons.”

Very good, panelists. Now onto the second question.

What very accurate but suppressed writer now experiencing a revival thanks to patriots on the Internet wrote the following passage:

“The saddest thing I ever saw was supposedly pious and intelligent people arguing vehemently over the genealogies of Mesopotamian villages as they existed three thousand years ago, and expecting the outcome of these heated debates to determine the course of action they were taking three thousand years later. Some of them called it ‘following God’s holy laws.’ The legendary figure Abraham invented the system of compound interest way back in Sumerian times, and the curse of this fast buck operation has lasted all this time to the point where the world is hopelessly polluted by it, and the people in this world have invented a religious smokescreen to hide the ugliness of the practice, which they endorse wholeheartedly, even though it is killing them and their planet as well.”

Now, panelists, which suppressed Internet sensation made this remark? Rick? “Ezra Pound.” Conchita? “Eustace Mullins.” Rev. Tom? “I think it was that pinko Communist band the ADL told us about, Pokerface.”

Very good, panel. Now onto our third and final question, which will determine who lives and who gets to soldier on with an attitudinal quid pro quo that will make them think they’re in paradise when in actuality they’re in a grubby, rancid suburb of New York City.

Now, here is your third and fateful question, panel — The Big Question, you might call it, and our advertisers do!

“Why is it no one on this planet has ever been able to imagine that they will not be around, if not here then somewhere, forever, and that it is impossible to live this life without imagining that this is so? Why can’t we confront the fact that after we die we will not exist anywhere except in the hearts of the friends we left behind and the ideas we have manufactured into existence?”

Rick, what’s your answer?

“We have to have something to look forward to, in all instances. Otherwise, what’s the point of going on? There has to be a light at the end of this tunnel. If there isn’t, what’s the point of going on if it’s just going to be this darkness, with no meaning and perpetual drug use from cradle to grave?”

Conchita?

“We can’t just be. We have to have a reason for being, so we invent a reward for our travails, to justify our existence, and palliate our inchoate guilt over being here in the first place. But I think there’s a great secret awaiting us. You’ve already told us about the music. We have no clue about this infinite velvet that will one day enfold us. After all, the universe is a womb.”

And lastly, Rev. Tom.

“God put us here to be his children, and He rewards us for being good by eternal safety in the paradise of His creation. And check out what our faithful followers are doing — and the PayPal button — on our Mystic Antlers website.”

Very good, panel. Our judges have ruled that all of your answers have all been correct (Tom, you owe us two fingers and a pound of flesh for the PayPal ad), and therefore all of you will now continue on with a bonafide chance at living the life of your dreams.

We want to thank you all for playing, as well as all those following along at home. Tune in to next week’s episode of The Big Question — our special Skeletons in the Closet edition — when our guests will be the ghosts of Paul Wellstone, Matt Simmons, and John O’Neill, whose thoughts will be channeled for us by trance mediums provided by Fox News.

Until then, all you fans of The Big Question keep your attitudes hopeful and your gun by your side, and always remember, on the day that you can’t answer The Big Question, you’ll know the game is over. Good night.


Kaminski is a writer who lives on the Gulf Coast of Florida, urging people to understand that no problem in the world can be authentically addressed without first analyzing tangents caused by Jewish perfidy, which has subverted and diminished every aspect of human endeavor throughout history. Support for his work is wholly derived from people who can understand what he’s saying and know what it means.

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